The 'Don 2' Review

With Shahrukh Khan, a huge budget, big explosions, a perfectly made up Priyanka Chopra as a Michelle Rodriguez-wannabe tank topped tough cop, and a heist plot, Don 2 has something for everyone. That is if 'everyone' is under the age of fifteen. The rest of us will likely wonder what happened to the need for a decent story or a well-written script. But if you like your cinema with snazzy illogical thrills, then Don 2 is fun enough junk.

The original 1978 Don is a cult classic because of Amitabh Bachchan's magnetism, solid characters, deft pacing and Zeenat Aman’s oomph. All the cheese was equipoised by the suave brilliance of Mr Bachchan. The 2006 Farhan Akhtar remake was an unintentionally hilarious, dopey, badly acted, commercially successful modern actioner. The best way to describe Don 2 is Plot Hole Porn. When it comes to logic, Don 2 is as woefully incompetent as its predecessor, except it flaunts a bigger budget for added ludicrous entertainment. Star Shahrukh Khan and director Akhtar once again never aim for the cerebral, and are happy to simply cobble together a bunch of glossy foreign -based action staples and hope it all works out. Only afterward, as you stroll out of the theater in a dizzy whir does one start to realize that one hasn't been impressed, but inadvertently entertained. 

The plot of Don 2 is a glorious compendium of clichés. The film picks up almost immediately where the previous film left off. Don (Mr Khan) is now the Asian underworld kingpin, and has his sights set on the European market. He crafts a cunning plan to surrender himself to the Interpol and escape from prison with a certain inmate that he needs for his master plan of robbing currency plates from Berlin.  The action immediately shifts to Europe, as Don starts rounding up a gang for the big heist, and we’re treated to over the top contrived car chases, an impossible rooftop stunt and some of the cheesiest dialogues in recent memory. The ending ‘twist’ is so predictable one can’t help but be stunned by the film’s Neanderthal mentality.

Throughout the movie Shahrukh Khan’s face sports a contorted expression that suggests the need for more fiber in his diet. He has neither the charisma, nor the personality nor the versatility of the great Amitabh Bachchan from the original film. Instead, he hams uncontrollably, even more so than in the 2006 film, almost like his life depends on it. The romantic angle between Don and Roma (Priyanka) is comically forced and sappy – moreover the chemistry between Shahrukh and Priyanka has as many sparks as a Mumbai blackout. Boman Irani as Vardhan and Aly Khan as Diwan nearly sleepwalk through their roles. Nawwab Shah as Jabbar gives The Incredible Hulk a complex – not in terms of muscle but in wooden acting. Somewhere in the midst of all of this, Lara Dutta keeps popping up as Don’s girlfriend in what is arguably the most hysterically clichéd unnecessary vamp character stereotype to grace the big screen since Drew Barrymore in Batman and Robin. Om Puri, in his career worst role is gloriously campy – he almost tells us that we're meant to laugh at him, not with him.

The original Don had the classics ‘Khaike Paan Banaras wala’ and ‘Yeh mera Dil’. Don: The Chase Begins Again had Midival Punditz’s passable remixes of the same. Don 2 has horribly composed and poorly sung remixes of the remixes of the previous film. They seem like the result of a bar bet gone horribly wrong. 

Analyzing the logical aspects of Don 2 is where one can really start to lose one’s mind. When I said the characters indulge in Plot Hole Porn, I wasn’t exaggerating. Don’s master plan is a real head-scratcher. The screenplay goes out of its way not only to make Don some sort of a genius, but also to outdo the previous film’s uproariously stupid plan of Don pretending to be Vijay who pretends to be Don, thereby destroying his own gang and jeopardizing his own business that he worked so hard to build. There's enough limp-wristed contrivance in Don 2 to set back the Dhoom films a few decades.  Don’s strategy of using explosives is itself rigged to disintegrate if a moviegoer's IQ nudges above 70. Three different people were credited with writing Don 2 (Akhtar, Ameeth Mehta and Amrish Shah), and I bet they're still arguing over who deserves recognition for the part where Interpol cop Priyanka Chopra pursues Don in a car for ten whole minutes but never bothers to call for backup. Don wears a Mission Impossible-esque plastic mask of another man (a great cameo from an A-list actor), but he also speaks with the actor’s voice. Don, the most wanted man in the world also carries bungee jump kits strapped to his back when he goes out for strolls in public.

Without a doubt, the technical credits are superior to any Indian film to date, and the cinematography by Jason West is truly gorgeous. Also, Don 2 is never boring, thanks to its dazzling special effects that aid the actors flip, fly, jump, dropkick, punch and kick each other like jackhammers. The slow-mo Matrix Kung Fu Karate from the 2006 film makes way for some decent hand-to-hand combat. Of course none of this compensates for the overfamiliar plotline, the amusingly underdeveloped side characters, SEL’s insipid soundtrack and a general air of overbaked over expensive silliness. Priyanka Chopra and Lara Dutta are as attractive as the Berlin locales, plus the film is occasionally funny, even if the laughs come mostly during the movie's most dramatic, heartfelt moments. 

If you’re looking for a smart thriller, then Don 2 is a train wreck of bad lines and predictable plot twists. But it is astonishingly daft, and so profoundly earnest that it is uniquely, hilariously enjoyable. It’s so bad that it’s good.

  

First published in Mumbai Boss

The 32 Best Films of 2011

32 – Gandu  

The boldest ever Indian film never made it to Indian theaters thanks to its sexually explicit imagery and hardcore language. But that didn’t stop it from making a splash in the festival circuit and garnering a huge cult. Irrespective of the gratuitous sex, Gandu is a genuinely great film with gorgeous black and white aesthetics, colorful hard edged Bangla rap and trippy plot points.

31 – Snowtown 

A violent, slow burn shocker, Snowtown is a devastating film based on the infamous ‘bodies in barrels’ murders in Australia, and is mesmerizing with its treatment of the subject material. Director Justin Kurzel presents a very unsettling outlook on how easily humanity can be bent to the will of an unscrupulous psychopath. Daniel Henshall is brilliant as John Bunting, the man who corrupted young men to murder their friends and families and profit from their welfare payments.  

30 - 13 Assassins

Takashi Miike takes a break from the dementia of Audition and Ichi the killer and delivers a good ol' fashioned Samurai extravaganza. The epic final hour of battle between the 13 assassins and an army of 200 makes up for the feeble character development in the preceding hour. One scene featuring a bull set on fire and sent hurtling towards the enemy is a sheer classic.

29 – Beginners 

Beginners is a sweet, emotionally resonant film.  Christopher Plummer stars as a gay man who has come out of the closet after the death of his wife of 45 years, and hopes to make the most out of the time he has left on earth. Ewan McGregor is excellent as the son who must come to terms with his dad’s revelation. Director Mike Mills does away with clichés in this charming comedy, and the father-son bonding in the film makes for one of the most rewarding cinema experiences of the year. 

28 - We Are What We Are

The best horror film of the year, We Are What We Are is a morbidly beguiling story of a Mexican family with a dark, horrifying secret. The film effortlessly blends dread, drama and black comedy and is actually a great social commentary hidden beneath its gruesome casing.

27 - Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol 

The only true Hollywood blockbuster of the year, Ghost Protocol is a bombastic fourth entry to the sagging franchise. Brad Bird makes a snazzy live action debut and offers us stunning desert storm chases, white knuckle fight scenes, dizzying jumps and even Pixar-esque comedy – all in incredible IMAX. The Burj Khalifa scene itself is worth the price of admission. 

26 - Michael 

The Austrian film Michael is alarming not because of its subject matter of a man keeping a child locked in his basement, but because how subtle it is. Director Markus Schleiner forgoes the gimmicky musical cues and shock scenes and presents the movie in a vanilla context, making the twisted situation both credible and emotionally involving. Michael Fuith as the lead delivers a phenomenally creepy performance, and it all becomes all the more ominous knowing that the film is based on true events.

25 - The Skin I Live In

Pedro Almodóvar’s latest is a completely cuckoo and utterly entertaining film. Antonio Banderas stars as a crazy genius surgeon who has recently lost his wife and keeps a strange woman in his ‘test chamber’ for his experiments. The film doesn’t take itself too seriously, and a wicked twist during the mid section makes for a roguishly fascinating watch. 

24 - The Guard 

After Neil Mcdonagh’s hilarious In Bruges, Brendon Gleeson stars in the equally fun and cheeky The Guard. This one is directed by Neil’s brother John Michael McDonagh, and features the most crass and funniest one liners of the year. Gleeson is hilarious as a bitter, sarcastic small town Irish cop who teams up with FBI agent Don Cheadle to take on a rash of drug trafficking, blackmail and murders. McDonagh  mixes noir and pitch black comedy and doles out a blisteringly fun film.  

23 – Tyrannosaur 

Directed by funnyman Paddy Cosidine, Tyrannosaur is anything but comic. The film is a brutal, unpleasant drama that tears at your senses and stuns you into submission. Set in a bleak British suburb, Peter Mullan churns out a magnificent performance as a hard drinking, self-loathing, guilt-ridden unemployed widower searching for redemption. Tyrannosaur is as depressing as it is a thought-provoking study of the value of human life. 

22 - Midnight in Paris 

Woody Allen’s best film in years, Midnight in Paris is a delightful, breezy comedy that serves as the cinematic equivalent of a delicious pastry. Owen Wilson headlines a superb cast including the lovely Marion Cotillard and Rachel McAdams. However Adrien Brody, who makes a cameo as a famous artist absolutely steals the show. Part romantic comedy part charming fantasy, this one is a heartwarming watch.   

21 - Aaranya Kaandam 

The best Indian movie of the year, Aaranya Kaandam is a high contrast neo-noir and a completely realized vision of how incredibly innovative regional films could be. Jackie Shroff is surprisingly effective as a filthy crime lord, as is Sampath Raj as a hoodlum. The film is rife with expletive laden sardonic dialogue and the cinematography is museum-quality work of visual art.    

20 - We Need To Talk About Kevin

We need to talk about Kevin is a horror movie disguised as a dysfunctional American family drama. Intense and gloomy, the film stars an excellent Tilda Swinton as the mother of an extremely evil child. The movie is a tad anemic on character development but works because it steers clear of gimmicks. The frequent use of red hues makes for a disturbingly hypnotic experience. The film feels like an eerie combination of The Omen and Gus Van Sant’s Elephant, and it ensures some heavy dissection and discussion long after you’ve seen it. 

19 - Pina

With its enthralling imagery, Pina is an arresting watch as director Wim Wenders makes far better use of 3D in this dance documentary than big Hollywood studios do. One doesn’t even need to be knowledgeable of dance forms to enjoy this beautiful film.

18 – Contagion

With a huge canvas of the best actors in the industry, director Steven Soderbegh dishes out the most realistic possible film on a viral outbreak, and makes you wonder how desperate you would get if a deadly disease were to plague the human race. Matt Damon, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Paltrow, Marion Cotillard and Laurence Fishburne make a superb cast in this well researched thriller that is so scary it makes you buy soap and wash your hands repeatedly. Contagion is fast paced and elevated by some great electronic music by Cliff Martinez.

17 - The Artist

The French silent film within a film The Artist has been one of the most talked-about titles of the festival circuit, and it easily lives up to the hype. Michel Hazanavicius directs a lovely feel-good movie that leaves you smiling ear-to-ear long after you see it. Jean Dujardin is superb as a fading star dealing with the death of the silent film era. John Goodman makes an amusing cameo, but the real star is the five-minute dream sequence involving sound.  

16 - Submarine 

Comedian Richard Ayoyade makes an exceptional directorial debut with this quirky, bittersweet British dramedy. Not enough can be said about the lead Craig Roberts who comes across as a younger avatar of Dustin Hoffman. He is fascinating as a school kid who desperately jumbles his emotional maturity and intellectual development. Ayodade innovates such tired themes as the parents’ troubled marriage with montages, split screens, freeze frames and Alex Turner’s superb music.  

15 - Drive 

The best way to describe Drive is ‘Menthol Noir’. This film is fully engaging on several levels, thanks to the masterful narrative, the silky smooth direction from Nicholas Winding Refn, the '80s-esque pop music and the near perfect blend of thrills and interesting characters. Ryan Gosling is sedate as an unnamed auto mechanic who moonlights as a Hollywood stuntman, a racer and a criminal getaway driver. Drive is well-paced, smartly told and unpretentious, and is a welcome break from the steady diet of pulpy Hollywood we get every week.  

14 - Rango 

Rango is a magnificent piece of cinema that spits in the face of 3D. Director Gore Verbinski teams up with his Pirates of the Caribbean star Johnny Depp for a velvety fine animated film for adults. The extraordinary photorealistic animation is topped by the fabulous story, characters and collage of thematic elements. Thanks to Rango, for the first time in a decade, a non-Pixar film turned out to be the finest animated feature of the year. 

13 - Cold Fish

Watching Cold Fish feels like sticking one's head out the window of a speeding bullet train. Shion Sono, the madman behind the classics Suicide Club, Strange Circus and Love Exposure doles up his most accomplished, bloodiest, outrageously manic film to date. This noir-ish Korean societal study works with frenzied efficiency. Stay away if you've a weak stomach. 

12 - Senna 

Senna is a fabulous ode to one of the greatest Formula 1 drivers and is also the best documentary I have personally seen since Man On Wire. Director Asif Kapadia conjures some absorbing, skillfully selected footage, home videos and commentary on the underbelly of F1. The film also showcases Senna’s bitter rivalry with Alain Prost and his Godlike persona that he had in his native Brazil. Whether or not you are familiar with F1, Senna will shatter you with its final scene. 

11 - Another Earth 

Directed by debutant Mike Cahill and starring writer-producer Brit Marling, Another Earth is a splendid, meditative film that was made on a shoestring budget of $150,000. The film can be best described as a sci fi 21 Grams, and contains a very smart climax that has you analyzing it for hours on end. Marling, who stars as a young student who gets involved in an accident just moments before scientists discover a twin Earth, may well be the next Julie Delpy. 

10 - Like Crazy 

A bittersweet indie about a young couple in a long distance relationship, and the emotional baggage the situation offers. The title suggests a clichéd rom-com, but Like Crazy is an extremely mature, intimate drama, with rich characters and a hyper realistic script. Director Drake Doremus and stars Anton Yelchin and Felicity Jones deliver some lovely, real moments that move even those who've never experienced the hardships of long distance. It has an ending that is as powerful as the final scene of The Graduate – not surprising that it won the grand jury prize at Sundance. 

9 - Martha Marcy May Marlene 

Starring Elizabeth Olsen in a mesmerizing debut, Martha Marcy May Marlene is a thoroughly disturbing, utterly gripping, riveting tale of young girl who escapes a shady, abusive cult. The movie is so creepy and unsettling that just like the central character, one slowly slips into paranoia watching it. By far the most outstanding psychological thriller of the year. 

8 - The Yellow Sea 

Korean director Na Hong-jin reteams with his The Chaser co-stars for yet another electrifying, action-packed pursuit-thriller. The Yellow Sea has a truly labyrinthine murder plot, and its breakneck pace only elevates it to a higher order of filmmaking. You’re thrust into the infamous Korean Autonomous Prefecture, full of desperate immigrants, North Korean defectors, slimy brokers, mob bosses, corrupt cops, revenge seeking lovers – all of which collide after a murder goes wrong. There is no chance you’ll grasp the entirety of its story during the first viewing, the fact that it warrants a repeat makes it distinguished slice of intelligent cinema. 

7 – A Separation 

Yet another gem from Iranian director Asghar Farhadi, A Separation stars Peyman Moaadi and Leila Hatami and is an intriguing drama that questions life and society in contemporary Iran. Farhadi frequently challenges the country’s legal system and the Islamic culture – in one scene a female maidservant has to check with religious advisers whether it is acceptable for her to wash a physically challenged old man.  The plot itself is a searing whodunit, and it makes you chew on the moral compass from various viewpoints. A Separation has already won the awards for Best Film, Best Actor and Actress at the Berlin Film Festival and is destined to nab the Best Foreign Language Oscar.

6 - The Tree Of Life 

Terrence Malick’s latest is spectacularly beautiful and a visual, aural, narrative triumph. Starring Brad Pitt, Jessica Chastain and Sean Penn, the film transcends magnum opus status with its maddening power. Tree of Life delves into existential themes like the meaning of existence, the ways of God, the human condition, love, forgiveness – all done in haunting, floating imagery with cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki’s ‘Godcam’. The film also features a most astonishing cutaway ‘creation of the universe’ sequence that plays to Alexandre Desplat’s gut-wrenching operatic score.

5 - Generation P 

A Russian film about a copywriter on the precipice of creative nirvana is a glorious, hallucinatory one that boasts some terrific psychedelic imagery and splendid acting. Based on Victor Pelevin’s book of the same name, Generation P is a delicious thriller that is full to bursting with trippy philosophical metaphors, irreverent social commentary and postmodern cultural references. One bottle of vodka isn’t enough to wash this film down.

4 - Tropa de Elite 2 

Who knew that the most engrossing action film of the year would be from Brazil? Tropa de Elite 2 is a ridiculously interesting movie that combines popcorn-gnawing SWAT team action scenes, stunningly observant political drama and a fist-pump-demanding hero in the form Wagner Moura as Captain Nascimento. Maverick director Jose Padilha takes his already great original film and turns it into Dark Knight-esque proportions of didactic bliss. The rough, authoritarian, warrior-like Captain Nascimento kicks Batman where the sun don’t shine, and Wagner Moura (soon to be seen as the villain in Neil Blomkamp’s Elysium) deserves an Oscar nomination. 

3 - Incendies 

Director Denis Villeneuve’s Incendies is a towering achievement, a vivid, stunning, haunting masterpiece. Lubna Azabal plays the central character in a plot that is as devastating as its imagery. Melissa Desormeaux-Poulin and Maxim Gaudette star as French-Canadian twins, who after their mother’s death are handed a perverse document that asks them to track down their family roots in nightmarish locales of the Middle East. Incendies is brutally paced and unapologetically raw. One scene involving a bus full of women and children, and another where a character mouths “1+1=1” will be ingrained in your memory for the rest of your life.  

2 - 50/50 

A semi-autobiographical story of screenwriter Will Reiser, 50/50 is an extraordinary film that manages to show that a story about a cancer patient can be funny. Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars in a career best role as a 27-year-old diagnosed with a rare form of spinal cancer. The film movingly takes us through him and his friend (a riotously profane Seth Rogen) confronting the possibility that his time could be unfairly cut short. As humans, we are conditioned not to laugh at serious things like cancer. But Reiser (and in turn JGL’s character) believes comedy can alleviate pain and make it easier to bear. Combining humour with painful subjects is almost impossible, and 50/50 is brilliant not just for the many laughs, but for the jokes’ persistent sense of genuineness. There are also a few hammer-to-the-heart scenes that make you reach out for your hankies, but not once will you feel the film’s tone shifting from one to the other - and that is what makes the movie truly remarkable. 

1 - The Adventures of Tintin 

Steven Spielberg’s beautiful love letter to Herge’s works is 105 minutes of pure, uninterrupted, thundering typhoon of adventure. Its visual sophistication is superbly complimented by the jaw-dropping five-minute long single-take motorbike-boat-tank chase. Unlike the case with the Harry Potter films, Spielberg manages to please both the die hardest of Tintin fans and those who aren’t familiar with the material. The Adventures of Tintin makes even the most cynical crestfallen adult smile and feel like a child again, which is why it is by far the best motion picture of 2011.

Honorable Mentions – Cold Weather, The Ides of March, Monsters’ Dinner, Sleeping Beauty, Moneyball, Tabloid, The Slut, Rampart, Warrior, Source Code and Attack the block.

Note: These may be updated to the list in the next few weeks when I see them - Hugo, War Horse, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Shame, Le Havre, Miss Bala, Project Nim, Leap Year, Carnage, The Descendants, Into the Abyss,  A Dangerous Method, Take Shelter.

Love this list? Disagree with some of the names? Which are YOUR favourite films of the year? Weigh in your thoughts in the comments below.

'Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol' Review

The first Mission Impossible film, from Brian De Palma, was a slick and intelligent spy thriller. The second one was a brainless and campy John Woo film. The third was superb balls-to-the-wall nonstop action mayhem from JJ Abrams. Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol exists in the delicious space between all of the above, cheekily flaunting the best elements of the previous three films. It results in a ridiculously entertaining movie. 

Ghost Protocol, directed by Pixar veteran Brad Bird in his live action debut practically shouts that if done properly, a great spy movie is a saucy genre of exotic suspense-filled locations, stereotyped tech experts and the big stunt payoff. The plot points in Ghost Protocol are knocked around like a ball at a rock concert, never slowing down long enough for us to process basic questions of logic. Brad Bird’s direction is eye-poppingly effective, rolling around a huge star and even bigger thrills, inserting unusual flamboyance into the film. It almost seems like the material is viagra to Bird. His dedication to pacing, while also making sure to lay satisfying character groundwork, keeps Ghost Protocol bombastic and fun. But the greatest accomplishment of Ghost Protocol is how funny it is. Just like in The Incredibles, Bird indulges in subtle, hilarious parodies of the spy film genre – it makes for a fresh and cheery spin on the franchise. 

While the previous Mission Impossible installments were about the lone hero Ethan Hunt, Ghost Protocol refreshingly focuses on teamwork. And the ‘participation factor’ in the second half winds to such a fever pitch that the film feels like a Disney joy ride. You need the right actors to make an engaging spy movie and Brad Bird knows how to make each character seem whole and distinct. Tom Cruise leads a fun ensemble, including an unexpectedly meaty turn from funnyman Simon Pegg, Paula Patton who forgoes the typical wounded-kitten routine to play a confident butt-kicking field agent, and Jeremy Renner who effortlessly dodges and drop kicks the newbie curse. Bird cherry-picks pieces of his actors’ personalities, and he makes you want to see them together again in another film.

Tweaking a genre as familiar as this one is not easy, credit to first time screenwriters Josh Applebaum and André Nemec (frequent collaborators for JJ Abrams’ TV shows).  Ghost Protocol opens with a murder and an amusing jailbreak scored to Dean Martin's ‘Ain't that a kick in the head’, which feels like watching a live action Pixar short. Ethan Hunt (Cruise) and his IMF team (Patton and Pegg) are entrusted with the mission to catch the batty Russian businessman Kurt Hendricks (Michael Nyqvist) who is secretly shopping for nuclear weapons, launch codes and satellites in order to, well, destroy the world. Naturally things don’t go as planned, and our heroes find themselves framed, disavowed, and in hot waters. Hunt’s team joins forces with an IMF desk analyst (Renner) to chase down Hendricks, as they shuttle from Moscow to Dubai to the big showdown in Mumbai.    

Bird guides us along the IMF’s plans without making us feel pandered to. More importantly, he manages to make us buy into their plans, with their stripped down simplicity of Bourne and the high-tech tools of Bond. Of course there are a few niggles – signboards in Mumbai inexplicably feature Telugu text. In fact the whole Mumbai section is unintentionally hilarious, as Anil Kapoor passionately makes a spectacle of himself on camera, playing a Shakti Kapoor-esque character. Also, Michael Nyqvist is criminally wasted as the underwritten villain, not making an impact the way Phillip Seymour Hoffman did in the previous film. But Ghost Protocol still succeeds, thanks to Mr Cruise, who exudes more than enough intensity to make the mild banalities barely matter.

Ghost Protocol has a crackerjack team behind the camera. Cinematographer Robert Elswit (Syriana, There will be blood, The Town) deserves a medal for the work he's turned in on this project. We’re treated to jaw dropping images in pristine IMAX, with wide framing focus on glossy style - a testament to the fact that Hollywood should focus on IMAX instead of 3D. The Burj Khalifa stunt (famously performed by Cruise himself) is quite extraordinary – you can feel your entrails turn in fright while watching it in IMAX. Paul Hirch’s editing is sleek, and the fight and chase scenes are free of drunken shaky camerawork. Bird keeps innovating with self-parody panache with the gizmos, one of which is a projector screen in a Kremlin hallway that is as clever as it is hilarious. 

The ending may be a bit too happily-ever-after, but it's all good fun, because the movie is nothing but top-notch entertainment. Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol shapes up as the liveliest thriller of the year and a genuine blockbuster. Watch it, and in IMAX only.

Never Made a Sucky Film

The list of 'world's greatest filmmakers' is HUGE. Ask anyone about their favourite film director, and the most probable names to pop out would be Spielberg, Scorsese, Nolan, Kubrick, Kurosawa, Satyajit Ray and Guru Dutt. The more jaded film lovers would answer Haneke, Kieslowski, the Korean masters (Park Chan Wook, Bong Joon Ho, Kim ji Woon, Kim ki Duk), the Japanese legends (Takashi Miike, Takeshi Kitano) etc.  

It's a vast canvas. But ask yourself, how many directors have a PERFECT track record? Legends like Fellini, Hitchcock, Wilder, Ford, Spielberg, de Palma, Lumet, Peckinpah, Tarantino have made at least one stinker. How many directors have a filmography which doesn't contain even a single disappointment? Let's narrow it down to such folks, who've made a minimum of four films.

Chris Nolan - the obvious first choice. Every film of his, from Memento to The Dark Knight has been excellent. Even those who doubted him for Insomnia became a devotee post The Dark Knight and Inception.

Park Chan-wook - Every single product made by this man is a masterpiece. His 'worst' movie, I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK carries a paltry 90 percent on RottenTomatoes.

Paul Thomas Anderson - With just five films, all of different genres - Hard 8, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch Drunk Love and There will be Blood, PT Anderson is well on his way to becoming the modern Kubrick.

Stanley Kubrick - He was someone who obsessively fussed over details, and it shows in his glowing filmography. Even his last film, Eyes Wide Shut, despite not being a masterwork was still pretty good.

Terrence Malick - Makes movies every ten years, makes sure it's an extraordinary experience for the audience each time. Those who've been recently converted as Malicktards post Tree Of Life would agree.

Darren Aronofsky - Pi, Requiem for a dream, The Fountain, The Wrestler,  Black Swan - all examples of filmmaking of a very high order. Despite the fact that Black Swan was a ripoff of Perfect Blue.

Alejandro González Iñárritu - I doubt that he'd ever make a bad movie. Considering how powerful Amores perros, 21 Grams, Babel and Biutiful are.

Sam Mendes - One of the few current generation filmmakers who jumps genres with every movie yet churns out tour de force gems each time. His weakest film to date Jarhead too teems with layers that seldom exist in Hollywood war films.

Hayao Miyazaki - The legendary filmmaker of Studio Ghibli ties with Pixar for making the highest quality movies in the world. Every film of his has been pure artistic magic, and his recent Ponyo is no exception.

Bong Joon-ho- One of the Korean giants who shot to fame with the magnificent Memories of Murder has been consistently making great cinema. His last film Madeo was even better, if not as good as MOM.

Kim Ji-woon - Yet another Korean maestro who knows how to dislocate your jaw with sheer imagery. All his feature films from The Quiet Family to I saw the devil have been extraordinary. Even in the disappointing horror trilogy Three, his short film Memories was outstanding.

Edgar Wright - Perhaps the most surprising addition to this list. But he's made a name for himself with such excellent films as Shaun of the dead, Hot Fuzz and most recently Scott Pilgrim.

Krzysztof Kieślowski - The granddaddy of them all. With rich, sublime work ranging from the powerful Decalogue to the beautiful Three Colors trilogy, Kieślowski achieved what even Kurosawa couldn't - a spotless filmography and a spot on this list.

Update: Jean-Pierre Melville, Andrei Tarkovsky, Orson Welles, Alexander Payne, Emir Kusturica, Asghar Farhadi - Rightly suggested by Saheer Iqbal, Low Funda Boy, ravi_ki_rand, Varun Grover, ronty023 respectively.

Notable Disqualifications: 

Ethan and Joel Coen  - The grandmasters of killing characters beautifully. They've been making movies since 1984, and still haven't made a dirty picture. The Ladykillers is their albatross,and that alone disqualifies them from this list.

Sergio Leone - His first film Il Colosso di Rodi was a failure.

Vishal Bharadwaj and Anurag Kashyap - Both command colossal cults and fan following. But their latest films 7KM and TGIYB weren't universally acclaimed.

Danny Boyle - Nine out of the ten films he has made are absolutely marvelous. The one that disqualifies him from this list is The Beach. 

Akira Kurosawa - Dodesukaden is the only truly bad movie Kurosawa has made, and that alone doesn't get him to the list.

Wong Kar Wai - Apart from My Blueberry Nights, all his films are very fascinating.

Satyajit Ray - An illustrious career marred by a few hiccups like Ashani Sanket.

Guru Dutt - The Orson Welles of India made a stinker too. It was called Baaz. (Thanks to Pavan Jha for the link)

Quentin Tarantino: Two words - Death Proof.

Can you name some more filmmakers who boast a flawless filmography? Think some of the names don't deserve to be in the list? Send in your entries (and reasons) in the comments below.