Friday, December 23, 2011

The 'Don 2' Review

With Shahrukh Khan, a huge budget, big explosions, a perfectly made up Priyanka Chopra as a Michelle Rodriguez-wannabe tank topped tough cop, and a heist plot, Don 2 has something for everyone. That is if 'everyone' is under the age of fifteen. The rest of us will likely wonder what happened to the need for a decent story or a well-written script. But if you like your cinema with snazzy illogical thrills, then Don 2 is fun enough junk.

The original 1978 Don is a cult classic because of Amitabh Bachchan's magnetism, solid characters, deft pacing and Zeenat Aman’s oomph. All the cheese was equipoised by the suave brilliance of Mr Bachchan. The 2006 Farhan Akhtar remake was an unintentionally hilarious, dopey, badly acted, commercially successful modern actioner. The best way to describe Don 2 is Plot Hole Porn. When it comes to logic, Don 2 is as woefully incompetent as its predecessor, except it flaunts a bigger budget for added ludicrous entertainment. Star Shahrukh Khan and director Akhtar once again never aim for the cerebral, and are happy to simply cobble together a bunch of glossy foreign -based action staples and hope it all works out. Only afterward, as you stroll out of the theater in a dizzy whir does one start to realize that one hasn't been impressed, but inadvertently entertained. 

The plot of Don 2 is a glorious compendium of clichés. The film picks up almost immediately where the previous film left off. Don (Mr Khan) is now the Asian underworld kingpin, and has his sights set on the European market. He crafts a cunning plan to surrender himself to the Interpol and escape from prison with a certain inmate that he needs for his master plan of robbing currency plates from Berlin.  The action immediately shifts to Europe, as Don starts rounding up a gang for the big heist, and we’re treated to over the top contrived car chases, an impossible rooftop stunt and some of the cheesiest dialogues in recent memory. The ending ‘twist’ is so predictable one can’t help but be stunned by the film’s Neanderthal mentality.

Throughout the movie Shahrukh Khan’s face sports a contorted expression that suggests the need for more fiber in his diet. He has neither the charisma, nor the personality nor the versatility of the great Amitabh Bachchan from the original film. Instead, he hams uncontrollably, even more so than in the 2006 film, almost like his life depends on it. The romantic angle between Don and Roma (Priyanka) is comically forced and sappy – moreover the chemistry between Shahrukh and Priyanka has as many sparks as a Mumbai blackout. Boman Irani as Vardhan and Aly Khan as Diwan nearly sleepwalk through their roles. Nawwab Shah as Jabbar gives The Incredible Hulk a complex – not in terms of muscle but in wooden acting. Somewhere in the midst of all of this, Lara Dutta keeps popping up as Don’s girlfriend in what is arguably the most hysterically clichéd unnecessary vamp character stereotype to grace the big screen since Drew Barrymore in Batman and Robin. Om Puri, in his career worst role is gloriously campy – he almost tells us that we're meant to laugh at him, not with him.

The original Don had the classics ‘Khaike Paan Banaras wala’ and ‘Yeh mera Dil’. Don: The Chase Begins Again had Midival Punditz’s passable remixes of the same. Don 2 has horribly composed and poorly sung remixes of the remixes of the previous film. They seem like the result of a bar bet gone horribly wrong. 

Analyzing the logical aspects of Don 2 is where one can really start to lose one’s mind. When I said the characters indulge in Plot Hole Porn, I wasn’t exaggerating. Don’s master plan is a real head-scratcher. The screenplay goes out of its way not only to make Don some sort of a genius, but also to outdo the previous film’s uproariously stupid plan of Don pretending to be Vijay who pretends to be Don, thereby destroying his own gang and jeopardizing his own business that he worked so hard to build. There's enough limp-wristed contrivance in Don 2 to set back the Dhoom films a few decades.  Don’s strategy of using explosives is itself rigged to disintegrate if a moviegoer's IQ nudges above 70. Three different people were credited with writing Don 2 (Akhtar, Ameeth Mehta and Amrish Shah), and I bet they're still arguing over who deserves recognition for the part where Interpol cop Priyanka Chopra pursues Don in a car for ten whole minutes but never bothers to call for backup. Don wears a Mission Impossible-esque plastic mask of another man (a great cameo from an A-list actor), but he also speaks with the actor’s voice. Don, the most wanted man in the world also carries bungee jump kits strapped to his back when he goes out for strolls in public.

Without a doubt, the technical credits are superior to any Indian film to date, and the cinematography by Jason West is truly gorgeous. Also, Don 2 is never boring, thanks to its dazzling special effects that aid the actors flip, fly, jump, dropkick, punch and kick each other like jackhammers. The slow-mo Matrix Kung Fu Karate from the 2006 film makes way for some decent hand-to-hand combat. Of course none of this compensates for the overfamiliar plotline, the amusingly underdeveloped side characters, SEL’s insipid soundtrack and a general air of overbaked over expensive silliness. Priyanka Chopra and Lara Dutta are as attractive as the Berlin locales, plus the film is occasionally funny, even if the laughs come mostly during the movie's most dramatic, heartfelt moments. 

If you’re looking for a smart thriller, then Don 2 is a train wreck of bad lines and predictable plot twists. But it is astonishingly daft, and so profoundly earnest that it is uniquely, hilariously enjoyable. It’s so bad that it’s good.




  

First published in Mumbai Boss

29 comments:

  1. THERE IS NO OTHRE DON THAN SHRI AMITABH BACHCHAN,,REST WHO ARE TRYING LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE DOING COMEDY

    ReplyDelete
  2. YES ADI YOU ARE SO RIGHT INTELLIGENT GUYS LIKE YOU ARE VERY RARE THESE DAYS I WOULD SLEEP WITH YOU ON FIRST DATE OMG OMG XOXOXO <3 <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. The original don...the original don...you used it for like a lot of times. It doesn't prove anything but one does feel you forcefully want to compare and hence bash it..

    ReplyDelete
  4. One of the best reviews I've ever read. Keep them coming, Mihir.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Umm.. the review and the no. of stars given clearly dont match. I hope you're not taking lessons from Taran Adarsh.. Don 2 is aweful, inspite of the fact that I love Priyanka Chopra :(

    ReplyDelete
  6. HILARIOUS!!!!! U really are the funniest movie critic in India. Love the way you take your time to make every review entertaining and more enjoyable than the movie itself!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Has Don2 successfully beaten Ra.One? Just curious.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Best review... agree with each and every word of this review...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Totally agree on the use of every adjective. I'd have added a few expletives too.

    What actually got my goat was the daftness with which the side characters were written. (And by 'side' I mean everyone but SRK). Its plain and simple common sense that you make your hero heroic by elevating the stature of your opponent not by watering them down to minus IQs. By making Chopra, Puri, Vardhaan, Jabbar and everyone else so daft, Don just ended up looking like a juvenile delinquent to me. This, foolishness is what I hadn't expected out of Akhtar. Rest all I can forgive. Sorry could have.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Don, the most wanted man in the world also carries bungee jump kits strapped to his back when he goes out for strolls in public." ...HAHAHAHAHA !

    ReplyDelete
  11. everything is predictable ..like diwan's car will be blown at end because that was the only thing left from the trailer & changes of plates, behaviour of kunal kapoor and..the very old style of bollywood (now it must be gaaliwood) to explain the twists at end with infographics like showing Saaruk Ghaan planting the detonator, getting out of the deekee of car...SRK (Shitty Rowdy Khan) is shown in 1 mood throughout the movie who kills audiences with his dimples, everything is poor & Comic ! why is was 3d ? god knows !!
    Medicore muzik !! I think we should not demand a review of Hindi movies from you anymore because 3 hours must be important to you !!
    I'm glad u haven't reviewed Gawathi Boys (Formerly de'shee' baaeej) !
    It doesn't deserves the star, it deserves a mirchee in the a'hole !

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's a sequel of a remake of a seminal film, so comparisons are inevitable.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank Heavens , that we have one film critique who reviews a movie for what it actually is , unlike most others ... had the slightest sliver of thought to go n check this movie out ... but mercifully rescued in time !! Bingo Mihir , for another cool review

    ReplyDelete
  14. Not a bad review but quite bad logics to pull down the film...sometime it is good enough to say that one just didn't like the film...

    anyways first time a kind of 'trying to be smart review' frm u..kinda movie Don 2 itself...irony haan!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Brilliant review. I could not have said it better. just came back from a screening of the movie i would have never gone for had it not been for the free passes that included food and beverage!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks, Soumya. Though I'm not stopping you from watching it :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Did you watch the 2006 Don? Even that was as silly as this one, with equally stupid characters, so for me Don 2 wasn't as disappointing as it was hilariously foolish.

    ReplyDelete
  18. really is it tht bad? I didnt quite enjoy the first half of SRK's Don, bt thot Don2 frm the first promo looked more of Akhtar's good work. Wondering if I shud actually put my money into watching it now.
    A good read though..thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  19. True, that wasn't any great shakes either but it was watchable. Forgettable though. (But of course not a patch on the original) What balanced Don's crookedness was Boman Irani's tough cop and then the evil Vardhaan at the end. Foolish yes but the pitting of 'equal' opposite forces is what masala or rather any strong story-telling is about so Don-1 worked simply cause of that balance. Lots was foolish too but then thats the fourth wall screen we got to wear when watching Bollysagas :) This one was appallingly foolish in every respect and I refuse to suspend my disbelief SO MUCH!

    And now dear friend, please do not reply to this and give more importance to this film! If you reply I shall be compelled to too! Ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  20. My inevitable question!! Where do I get the Plot Hole Porn now?!?!? :P Thanks for the review mate

    ReplyDelete
  21. 2.5 is a too generous for this movie, IMO! Even with its positives, it shouldn't be rated higher than 1.5.

    ReplyDelete
  22. hehe true , but ur reviews almost always get me to say - my thougts precisely ! :) , so decided to stay away frm it - atleast till im declared braindead :D

    ReplyDelete
  23. Personal grudges should take backseat while reviewing a movie...Why u compare this wid Amitabh's don? r u crazy? or just wanna pull down srk at any cost? and FYI,it is doing wonders at Box office..will be a sureshot superhit...

    So get a life man! It is easy 2 criticise than perform.Moron!

    ReplyDelete