Two decades ago he wore a pair of
Ray Bans and menacingly told a desk clerk that he’d be back. He’s back alright,
but he’s old and rusty. Age doesn’t seem to be much of a problem though,
because Mr Schwarzenegger (or his stunt double) still looks good firing a
shotgun, crashing through glass doors and delivering terrible lines terribly.
Directed by Korean maverick Kim
Ji-Woon who has made A Tale of Two
Sisters, A Bittersweet Life, The Good the Bad and the Weird and I saw the Devil, The Last Stand exists
purely as a vehicle for Schwarzenegger to slowly transition back to the big
screen after a decade behind the Governer’s desk burying his sex scandal. This
isn’t a big Michael Bay movie or a $200 trillion blockbuster that Arnold no
doubt wants to make a return in, but a small, mostly brainless albeit fun
little B-movie that brings back some of the charm of 80’s Hollywood. Whether
that is a good or a bad thing depends on how much you liked Arnie’s films in
your childhood.
The premise is as cringe-worthy
and outdated as they come and the whole movie feels like Fast and Furious: Arnold Edition. The FBI fumbles its plans to move
a dangerous Mexican crime lord (Eduardo Noriega) who manages to escape in a
specially modified Corvette by driving at 200 mph without headlights towards
the Mexican border. The only thing that stands between him and the border is a
sleepy Texan town led by its Sherriff (Schwarzenegger) and an arsenal of guns.
The majority of the movie spends its time going over its checklist of ‘Make
Arnie fire a gun’, ‘Make Arnie hurl a one liner’, ‘Make Arnie a sympathetic
hero’, ‘Make Arnie say Son of a bitch’ etc. Plonked in together are a bunch of
lame subplots involving the Sherriff’s young deputy (Zach Gilford) who is bored
of his job and a man in jail (Rodrigo Santoro) who was in a relationship with
the Sherriff’s other deputy (Jamie Alexander). Writer Andrew Knauer also wastes
too much time investing in the FBI operative (Forest Whitaker) and his deputies
who spend the entirety of the film looking at computer screens, talking on
phones and walking around to give the impression of tension in the air.
There is decent amount of action
although the gratuitous gunplay and headshots seem out of place in the light of
Aurora and Sandy Hook. It seems like Kim Ji Woon was put up as a puppet by
Hollywood because there is absolutely none of the craft, humor and panache
found in his earlier films. The ‘comedy’ is basically Arnie making fun of his
own age, and while that worked to an extent in The Expendables 2, here it feels like a sly old man being
self-deprecating to get hugs from young girls. The Last Stand is ultimately strictly for Schwarzenegger fans, and
even most of those would be disappointed with this lackluster effort.
(First published in MiD Day)
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