Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters is a frustrating movie to watch,
because it is neither scary or the least bit frightening horror movie nor an
effective parody of the genre. Instead it sits inelegantly on the fence,
waiting for the rain of tomatoes to pour, much like 2005’s The Brothers Grimm.
Looking thoroughly disinterested
in a clumsy leather costume, Jeremy Renner undoes the star power he gained with
his bit role in The Avengers and the
lead role in The Bourne Legacy as a
terribly miscast one half of a brother sister killing machine. Complimenting
him is the equally bland and uncharismatic Gemma Arterton who seems relieved to
have bagged a Hollywood movie role. The story takes place years after Hansel
and Gretel outsmarted the witch in the gingerbread house – the two are now full
on witch hunters, armed to the teeth with revolvers, crossbows and cringe
inducing one liners. The problem here is the same one that dogged such
crossover graphic novel-eque films like Abraham
Lincoln Vampire Hunter - by taking itself too seriously, it just fails to
entertain on any level.
Whether it is director Tommy
Wirloka’s fault is moot – he made the hilarious Norwegian zombie comedy horror Dead Snow a few years ago and it could
very well be possible that studio execs killed this film and ultimately decided
to dump it in the January Hollywood garbage bin. The production design is a
poorer rendition of the Red Riding Hood movie
which itself resembled a stage of a high school play. The CGI witches are
moderately fun, Famke Janssen is rather great as the evilest one of them all –
she doesn’t need much makeup to seduce or scare the living daylights out of
anyone. The action scenes are grotesque, to say the least, with dozens of
liters of blood being splashed around the screen in painfully tacky 3D. When an
18th century machine gun fails to ignite any interest in a movie
about flying witches, one has a rather serious problem at hand. Add to the
overall ineptitude the lack of a coherent or interesting story and one wishes
the film had been named Hansel and Gretel:
Script Hunters.
(First published in MiD Day)
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