Steve Jobs was an enigma. He made
products with and for the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the
troublemakers, the ones who see things differently, the ones who are not fond
of rules. You could quote him, disagree with him, glorify or vilify him. The
only thing you couldn’t do was ignore him. Because he changed things. He pushed
the human race forward. And while some saw him as the crazy one, we saw genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are
the ones who do.
The film Jobs, starring Ashton Kutcher is quite unlike its titular visionary. It is not made by the crazy ones, the misfits or the rebels – it
is made by people who don’t see things differently, people who follow formula. You
can neither quote the film, nor glorify it. The only thing you can do is forget
about it. Because it says nothing and doesn’t push the storytelling forward. And
while some saw the film as genius, we see a lame cash grab. Because the people
who are crazy enough to think this film could change the world are the ones who
reach for your wallet when you’re not looking.
Perhaps it’s the case of David
Fincher setting seriously high standards with The Social Network. Perhaps it’s the fact that Pirates of the Silicon Valley arrived more than a decade ago and
told the exact same story in a much better way. Perhaps it’s because the film
doesn’t even try to be factually correct. Perhaps it’s because Kutcher does a
caricature of Steve Jobs, content to let his facial resemblance do all the
acting. Or perhaps it’s that the film plays like a checklist of Steve Jobs’
Wikipedia page. Perhaps it’s a combination of all of those things, because Jobs simply fails on every imaginable
level, tanking at every turn, much like Apple’s Power Mac G4 Cube and the Bandai
Pippin. This is neither a film made for the geeks nor for audiences who aren’t
familiar with Jobs’ life and persona. This is an extremely lame high school
play, made by a bunch of hilariously clueless people who don’t seem to know the
concepts of attention to detail and internet backlash.
There’s nothing really more to
say about the film, apart from its sheer ineptness oozing through every
agonizing second of its excruciatingly long two plus hour runtime. Pointing out
each of its flaws would mean typing out a 1000 page document in bold Goudy
Stout and thanking Jobs for paying attention to calligraphy and being adamant
about including fonts in the word processor. Jobs was extremely impressed with Noah
Wyle’s performance in Pirates of the
Silicon Valley, he even invited Wyle to 1999's Apple keynote and had him fool
the audience. But had he seen this film he’d have critiqued it with his
trademark product review triage of words that made him infamous – This is shit.
(First published in MiD Day)
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